I know this is Love.

It's been almost 2 weeks since I've posted. 

Oops....I let life get a hold of me - where are my accountability partners?!?

...kidding :)

I think I've been avoiding writing this post, because I knew what The Lord had put on my heart to talk about, and it's not an easy topic for me.

My Testimony.

I grew up in an ELCA Lutheran Church, where my parents were both active members of the congregation. My Mom was the Music Director, and my Dad a member of the choir, and church council. It wasn't unusual for us to spend each Sunday morning, afternoon and Wednesday evening at church for various activities, and events. 

I eventually stopped going to church regularly after high school. I never really felt 'at home' in the church my parents chose to attend, and didn't make it a priority to find one where I did. 

Throughout college I hit a serious stage of rebellion, where I got drunk, did drugs and slept with men who did not love or respect me. I was searching for some deep meaning in life that I thought I could find through all of these things. I tried to go back to my parents church periodically, but still found it boring and dull. I just wrote it all off as 'not for me'.

Towards the end of college I was in a bad place.  I had turned into someone a younger version of me wouldn't know, or like. I didn't take my responsibilities, school, job or life seriously. My life consisted of work, party, sleep, class, repeat. I was unhappy with who I was, the people around me and the things I was a part of. I needed something more.

Rewind a little:

I met my husband in the summer of 2008 where we both worked at the YMCA. I was a lifeguard and he was a camp counselor, (cute right? summer love...) We went out a few times, hung out in groups of friends, but ultimately it didn't work out. We parted as friends, with no intentions of pursuing a relationship further.

Fast-Forward to 2011:

I'm working at my job as a waitress, shortly after making a serious decision to change my ways and I see him, sitting in the bar giving me this 'hey come talk to me' look. I was not looking for any attention, I wanted to be left alone to get out of this mess I was in and to figure out what my life meant. But little did I know The Lord had different plans for us.

I 100% truly believe God gave me my husband. He sent him to me when He knew exactly what I needed. 

Christ brought Austin to me, and Austin brought me to Christ. 

Austin was involved in the children's ministry at a local church plant, leading the service for the children on Sunday mornings as well as youth events on Wednesday evenings. His love for The Lord was one of the first things I noticed about him. Soon we were attending church together on a regular basis, and I found myself digging out my old bible to find what I had been looking for, for so long.

After about a year together, Austin and I found a new church that we both really enjoyed going to together. My desire to know Christ more was emerging slowly, but surely. We both got into serving at our new church to get more involved, and making steps together as a couple to draw closer to Christ, only deepened my individual want and need for more of Christ. In August of 2012 I made the decision to fully commit my life to Christ.

and it's been the best decision I've ever made.

I wake up really early sometimes, and quietly sit in God's presence. I love reading His word early in the morning when my house is quiet and still. It's like I have The Lord all to myself, and we get to talk about everything. I share with Him that I still struggle with who I used to be. I still stumble, I still don't feel good enough sometimes.

But then I remember Isaiah 43 - 
'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine'

and 

' I am redeemed. You set me free. So I'll shake off these heavy chains, and wipe away every stain. I'm not who I used to be. I am redeemed.'
-Big Daddy Weave

I asked God quite frequently to continue to give me faith. To trust Him.To  learn to love who I am.

'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!'
- 2 Corinthians 5:17


I'm a sinner. I get caught up in life. I'm broken. But the great thing about God that I've learned is He takes all my mess, and makes it beautiful. He is jealous for me. He loves me, and His love is great.


When I look at Austin, my heart fills up with so much joy and I smile to myself and think 'I know this is love'

and when I read God's word, worship His name at church and listen to His music, my heart fills up with so much joy and I smile to myself and think

'I know this is love'

xoxo,

Rachel.